Saturday, May 31, 2008

Full Disclosure

Today was Saturday and Saturday is Baby Day. Its the day Mike works but Donny and I have off. We usually have a good time on Saturdays.


I barked at my 13 month old son today--he really wanted to take a nap but he wouldn't. The whining, the whining, it went on and on. For well over an hour. I had taken him out of his crib into our bed and, usually, he tires himself out there just sort of rolling around. I finally just took him off the bed, sat him down on a pile of dirty laundry and said, "WHAT do you WANT? WHAT IS IT that you WANT?" That doesn't look so bad on paper but I guess I have A Tone because he looked hurt and then started really crying. I finally took him downstairs to play some more, which he did while whining. When Mike got home he noticed a fourth tooth coming in up top so maybe that's part of it but I don't know. And maybe I'm imagining it, but I don't think Donovan made eye contact with me the rest of the night. Not until after dinner at least. He was all smiles and laughs for Dad. I'm torn between feeling guilty and cheesed off.

With that combination of emotions in mind, I present the following list of complaints:

1. I wish my son wouldn't whine so much. Cutting it down to 50% of the time would be nice.

2. I wish he was more affectionate. He's really not at all. Not to me or his Dad. Not even to stuffed animals.

3. I wish my kid liked stuffed animals.

4. I wish my kid didn't have to "spike" all his toys. Currently that's how he plays with everything: pick it up, gather some strength, slam it down, repeat. And since he doesn't like stuffed animals, he's spiking blocks, puzzle pieces, little battery operated keyboards, big battery operated bilingual talking drums--lots of heavy things that make crashing noises.

5. I wish the developmental specialists would have been more forthcoming about where Donny is developmentally. This whole, "We don't look at milestones, we look at progress" thing is bullshit. The hell they don't look for milestones. They make their living off of milestones. I bet they all have stock in that horrible Baby Einstein company.

6. I wish one damn store in Allegheny County carried shoes in Donovan's size. Allow me to correct that: I wish one damn store in Allegheny County carried shoes in Donovan's size for under $45 dollars. You heard me right. I don't spend that much for shoes for myself and my feet are much bigger.

In all fairness, Donny's list might look something like this:

1. Enough with the oatmeal, Ma. Seriously. Enough.

2. What's with the terrible radio station? Didn't you download all sorts of good music for me?

3. Pick your own nose--leave mine alone.

4. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss: save it for someone who reciprocates.

5. All the other ladies make big excited faces when they talk to me. My own mother and you're so blase. Makes me wonder if you even care.

6. And for the last time: The Sippy Cup Is Not An Option.

Hopefully we'll both sleep it off.

1 comment:

Amy Grant, Stella Dot, & Lemmy said...

That was my last week. Add to that (Stella Dot's complaint):

Men can go to the bathroom standing up. Why can't you change my diaper while I'm standing up? And, while your at it, 7:30 is a ridiculously early time for me to be going to bed.